I know the time has finally come to put away childish things. Despite a pointed sense of loss and attendant fear, I am nonetheless determined to approach adulthood with courage screwed firmly to the sticking place (or, at least, gum stuck fast upon the bedpost). After all, it's not before time.

What has prompted such a momentous realisation? No less than this - Eminem has released an album (his ninth?), it's been out a week, and nobody has asked me to write a thing about it ... not a broadsheet, music mag or style bible; not a bean, nor a sausage.

Now, this may seem a peculiar hook on which to hang the final ebbing of youth, but the fact is that every previous Eminem release has granted me paid work. And no longer ...

Looking back, it would be fun to claim that Marshall's sporadic productivity and consistent puerility provided me with various and diverting employment. Sadly, not true. Instead, after each of the rapper's first eight albums, I was commissioned to answer some variation of this question - ‘Eminem - he's white. But is he any good?' And, on each occasion, I wrote some variation of - ‘Yeah, he's all right. If you like that kind of thing.'

Eminem is a hip hop artist and he is white.  I write about hip hop and I am white. You can see what the papers were thinking.

Looking back, however, what really strikes me is that all these publications were perfectly happy to print exactly the same story year on year. In fact, on one occasion, a helpful features assistant sent me a bunch of cuts about Eminem to support my piece and more than half of them had my by-line.

The simple truth is that the press has a rapid turnover, little imagination and less time. Consequently, this year's underpaid, overworked Oxbridge graduate replaces last year's and spies through the lens of an adolescence swollen with media consumption a question: ‘Eminem - he's white. But is he any good?' Then he turns to his work experience lackey and says, ‘Call Patrick Neate. He's white. He'll know.' And so it went.

But no longer. It's over and I must find another niche. Of course Eminem's still making records and I'm still white, so perhaps there's gravy left aboard that train ... but no. Best move on before age renders this undignified. After all, perhaps my work here is done and my message finally got through: Eminem? He's all right. If you like that kind of thing.

It is, however, nice to know that the music biz remains the most tasteful of industries. The other day I discovered they were giving away tic-tacs in prescription bottles with Marshall Mathers on the label. After all, his new album's called ‘Relapse', on account of his addiction to prescription drugs. Classy.